What You Live For
by Dragon Elexus
Summary: Be careful not to make the same mistake twice. But also be careful that in avoiding it, you don't make a new one all together. (Or: Sugilite been benched. It's time for her to get back onto the field.)


**Author's Note:** This is a Secret Santa gift for my lovely friend Airamcg 3

 **What You Live For**

Sugilite comes into existence with a **_roar_ **.

A stretch of arms long-unused, the crack of mighty knuckles, a stomp of giant feet. Within moments her flail has materialised, heavy and solid. She makes quick work of the chamber walls which were keeping them trapped, the rubble crashing to the ground with a very satisfying _crunch_.

A cheering can be heard over the crash. Sugilite turns to find Peridot frantically jumping up and down with excitement, and _wow_ , this is really the same Gem that once wanted Garnet to defuse because it made her 'uncomfortable'? For the first time since forming, Sugilite bares her teeth in a smile. "You wanna ride?"

"Yes!" Peridot says, breathless, so Sugilite helps the little green Gem up to perch on her shoulder.

With the wall destroyed, they can move into the next chamber— then the next, and the next, and the next, Sugilite beating her way through with pure force. This place is a vast, underground maze, one filled with dead-ends and death-traps, but as Sugiliite, she doesn't have to worry about any of that. She just steps over the flows of lava, breaks down gates with a flick of her thumb, smashes puzzles to bits before they can activate. The power, the ease, the simplicity of it all—

— Stars, she _missed this_.

Finding Pearl and Steven will be easy.

She swings her flail, breaks down another wall. She's already ramping up for the next blow, when Peridot calls out, "There you two are! I was starting to think you'd gotten yourselves lost permanently, nyehehehe!"

Sugilite freezes and looks down. There they are, Pearl and Steven, incredibly tiny but whole. Relief crashes over her.

Of course she'd know she'd find them, of course she'd known— but still. Good to see that they're safe, that they haven't been crushed or skewered or burned alive.

Sugilite's about to say as much, when she notices Pearl's expression. There only for a moment— wide eyes, a frown, surprise and worry and _fear_ —

The relief vanishes, and with it, so does Sugilite.

There's a bright flash of purple light as she dissolves. Peridot squeaks with surprise as she finds herself in Garnet's arms. Garnet lets her down quickly. Amethyst's standing a few paces away, eyes fixed on the floor, determinedly scratching at her ear. Steven comes rushing up, smiling brightly, glad to see they're safe. Pearl's smiling too, any of her earlier fear gone, but that doesn't provide much comfort. Of course it's gone _now_.

"Come on," says Garnet. "We have to get out of there."

xXxXx

It doesn't take long for the Crystal Gems to get out of the ancient dungeons. They stick together, and now that they know what tricks the place has up its sleeve, they don't get split up again. They all get out safety, dangerous artefact retrieved, and the mission is declared a success.

But Garnet and Amethyst don't really act like it.

There's a visible distance between them. Nothing— obvious. They don't fight, or snap at each other, or anything else. But they don't joke, either, or quite meet each other's eyes. They just don't…

Amethyst doesn't know how to describe it, and anyway, it doesn't matter, cause it's for the best. And anyway, it's all her fault. She's the one who got all out of control, who got Sugilite to go on a rampage, and ruined it for all of them—

"Amethyst?" says Pearl.

" _What_?" snaps Amethyst. She's lying on the couch, trying (pretending) to sleep.

"Nothing," says Pearl, a little too quickly. "Just making tea. Would like the bag?"

Amethyst cracks open an eye, looks at Pearl sidelong. "You're making tea? For who?"

"Uh…" flounders Pearl. Because aside from them, the Beach House is empty. No Steven, no Greg, no Connie. Pearl doesn't drink anything, not even tea, and Amethyst has never had the patience to get through a whole cup of the stuff. "I'm making— iced tea! Yes, I'll steep it then freeze it for later. For Steven. Yes."

Amethyst narrows her eyes, then sits up. It's barely spring yet. It's cold out. Steven doesn't need iced tea. But she says, "Sure, okay."

Pearl takes her time on the preparation, making a show of dabbing the bag in and out of the pot, before carrying it over to Amethyst. But Pearl doesn't just toss it or hand it over, no. She sits down next to her on the couch, then dangles it over Amethyst's head as an offering. Amethyst eyes it for a long moment— but fine, she'll take the bait.

Sure enough, Amethyst hasn't even swallowed yet before Pearl says, "You did a good job getting us out of there yesterday."

"Not really. I didn't do much."

"I wouldn't say that." Pearl fusses with her sash. "It was you whip that got us across that one chasm. And of course, Steven and I would have been wandering forever if Sugilite hadn't found us."

"Mmm."

"Honestly, it's a shame she didn't stick around longer— obviously we got out eventually, but I'm sure we could've made even better time if—"

"Pearl," says Amethyst. "Save it, okay. You don't need to pretend." Pearl freezes. "Sugilite saw you, okay? She— we, I— saw your face. I know you don't want her around, and I get it."

Amethyst flops back down and closes her eyes.

"That's not true," Pearl says. "I know that Sugilite and I haven't always seen eye-to-eye, but…"

"But you don't mind at all that she tried to beat the crap out of you? Yeah, right."

For a moment, Pearl says nothing— doesn't even tell her off for the swearing. _Wow_ , Amethyst thinks. _She's_ really _putting it on_.

Eventually Pearl finds her voice again. "Whatever may have happened, that doesn't mean that I don't— don't want her around, ever again. Or that I want you and Garnet acting like— like—"

"Like Sugilite is _dangerous_?" says Amethyst, eyes flashing open. "Like she's a _threat_? Well, she _is_ , Pearl, get it? And Garnet and I both agree, and it's fine, so you can stop feeling guilty about it, okay?"

With that, Amethyst throws herself to herself to her feet. She doesn't give Pearl a chance to come up with any fancy defences or counter arguments or reasonings, just turns, stalks to the beach house door, and slams it behind her.

xXxXx

Pearl considers going after her, but no. She realises that nothing she says will be enough to convince Amethyst.

And Pearl understands why. It wasn't all that long ago when she had her own issues, mistakes with fusion, mistakes that can't be taken back, mistakes that still make something inside her clench and ache whenever she thinks of them.

Amethyst had been such a help in that time— listening to her, comforting her, even when Pearl she hadn't been deserving of either. It's only right that she should try and find a way to pay her back.

Nothing Pearl says will be enough to convince Amethyst, but someone else may have the right words.

Inside the Burning Room it's completely silent. Not even the roiling pit of magma makes any noise. Garnet is there, alone, standing beneath the sea of bubbled Gems, staring off into some future or other. Garnet turns to face her before Pearl even steps inside. There's no surprising Garnet.

Usually, that is. Because when Pearl says, "I'm not angry at Sugilite," Garnet's lips actually _twitch_.

"Pardon," Garnet says.

"I'm not angry at Sugilite," Pearl repeats. "You don't need to avoid her on my account."

Garnet crosses her arms. "I don't agree." Pearl opens her mouth to object, but Garnet stops her with a raised hand. "Sugilite could have hurt Steven, and she nearly killed you. I don't want to risk anything like that happening again."

"That was a long time ago—"

"It's been barely two years."

Pearl stops, chews her lips. She knows, objectively, that Garnet is right. Two years is an infinitesimally small fraction of their lives. Yet, somehow, those two years still feel like a long time ago.

Time is relative. On Earth especially.

"It's… true, Sugilite's appearance yesterday took me by surprise," says Pearl, at length. "But she still got us out of there. Who knows how long we would have been wandering without her? I can only be thankful for her help.

"And I know that mistakes have been made. But I don't believe you'll let anything like that happen again. I trust you, Garnet. You and Amethyst both."

Garnet is very still. Unmoving, at though the entirety of her being is carved from stone. She won't move unless forced.

So Pearl forces. "Do you trust Amethyst?"

Silence.

"Yes."

"Then please. Tell her."

xXxXx

Garnet finds Amethyst down on the beach. She's sprawled out, making elaborate sand mounds. (Not castles. They're too shapeless to be called castles.) She's not using her hands to build them, but her feet, which she's shifted into something like a cross between a spade and a claw. As she piles the sand high, she uses her actual hands to methodically shove peanuts into her mouth.

Amethyst's so intent that she doesn't even notice Garnet coming to stand besides her. Garnet just watches as she makes her tower taller and taller, then sends it crashing down with a giant foot-fist.

"I'll have a peanut," Garnet says.

Amethyst doesn't jump, exactly, but she definitely sends sand flying.

"Uh, sure," Amethyst says, once she's adjusted enough to try and hide her surprise. She offers up the bag.

Garnet sits down next to her on the sand, and takes one of the peanuts. She observes it for a moment, then tosses it into her mouth, crunching it between her teeth. The sensation of eating— the flavour, the texture, the feel of the food moving down her oesophagus— is strange enough to momentarily distract her.

Then Garnet says, "I'm proud of you."

"Huh?"

"You've been working hard," Garnet says, ignoring Amethyst's incredulity. "For a while now. You've been practicing. Training. Stepping it up in missions. You've been helping Steven a lot, too. Smoky Quartz is tangible proof of that. They're an _amazing_ fusion."

Amethyst regards her with half-narrowed eyes. "Did Pearl put you up to this?"

"She spoke with me, yes," admits Garnet. "But I've been thinking all this for some time. Pearl just encouraged me to say it aloud."

For a while, the only sounds are the beach noises; the waves and the gulls and the distant sounds of a car from the boardwalk. Finally, Amethyst speaks. "So what're you saying? That I've gotten good enough now that, that Sugilite might not go totally berserk?"

"No— no. That's not what I meant." Garnet turns towards her, glasses vanishing. Her eyes are filled with regret. "That— that was my fault, too. I… for a long time, I'd been restraining myself. I took Sugilite as an opportunity to let loose, lash out."

"Oh." Amethyst voice is soft. There's another silence, this one shorter than the last. "I guess… guess that makes sense. You got really… really serious for a while. Really boring. I think maybe…. Maybe that's part of why I got so excited? To be Sugilite again? I missed that. It'd been years, you hadn't fused with _anyone_ , and I was just so happy…"

"Yes."

"You've gotten less boring, though." Amethyst's face flushes deep purple.

Garnet's face cracks in a grin. "Thanks."

Amethyst smiles back. After a moment, she allows herself to lean her head against Garnet's shoulder. For a while, they sit there, watching the sun setting below the brilliant orange waves.

"So," Garnet says. "If we fuse, I'm not planning on going berserk."

Amethyst snorts. "Yeah. Well. Me neither, I guess."

"Well then." Garnet gets to her feet, offers out a hand. Asks a question. "Shall we mash it up?"

Amethyst can't quite stop herself from jerking with anticipation. "You mean it?"

Garnet just raises her eyebrows. Without a word, Amethyst leaps to her feet, abandoning the half-eaten bag of peanuts.

Their dance is nothing elaborate. But it doesn't need to be, really; the pair can anticipate each other's moves, their shakes and twirls and steps. When Amethyst jumps into the air, Garnet's there to catch her with open arms.

Sugilite comes into existence with a laugh.

She looks down at herself. Turns over her four hands, as if almost surprised to see them, stretching her fingers out. A slow smile spreads across her face as she turns towards the Temple.

"HEY STEVEN!" she calls out. "WANNA GO FOR A SWIM?"

Steven's face appears in the window, lighting up when he sees her. He squeaks, cheers, then vanishes. Not even a minutes passes before he reappears on the balcony, wearing nothing but swim trunks, even if it _is_ just the beginning of spring. He tears down the stairs to the beach. Not far behind him is Pearl. She looks up at Sugilite, meets her fives eyes, and grins.

Sugilite grins back.


End file.
